What a great way to destroy someone. I remember my favorite line from a young mother, she said,
“You can’t spoil a child before it’s two-years-old.”
I didn’t correct her or challenge her; mostly I was aghast that she had convinced herself of such a thing. Now, don’t have a psychotic break, I certainly believe in loving on our babies. But loving and treating are two different ideas altogether.
Here’s the real principle behind this one and it’s from the Bible: “When a king listens to lies, all of his servants become evil.” (Proverbs 29:12)
That’s how it goes. If you reward a behavior, you’re going to see it. If you know of an exception, I bet you’ve overlooked something. Let me frame it in another way, “When a mother listens to whining, all of her children become whiners.” “When a boss listens to disrespect, all of the employees think they’re bosses.” Or, something in that direction. Don’t you get the point?
I remember reading about a car dealership which needed all the salespeople to work as a team and cover for one another. The curious mistake was made, however, to offer ONE PRIZE (a trip to Hawaii, I think) for the most sales. Well, it’s a little hard to work as a team when you’re rewarded for working as individual. The most common mistake in the business setting is when people go over their boss’s head about a decision but receive no feedback except getting their way. That’s babying your employee. It’s really simply…all you need to do is send them back to the right person for the decision. I’m not talking about strange and sordid ethical issues, I’m really just talking about asking for time off from the person who should decide.
Now, about our babies. When a small child wants something in the grocery story and is told, “No,” what do you do? Do you debate? Do you bribe? Do you yield? If you baby your child, you are in for it…and, might I add…we are too if we unfortunately land near you! Whatever you do, don’t reward that behavior. Of course they can ask, but sometimes (maybe often) you’ll need to say, “No.” If your child persists it simply means one thing: They don’t understand the meaning of the word “NO.” Teach them, don’t baby them. You don’t need a script or a “how to.” Simply make the decision to teach your child the meaning of the word “no.” Then teach them the meaning of the words “maybe” and “yes.” This is how you head them toward adulthood.
In fact, most of parenting is simply deciding if you want to raise happy children or happy adults.
Most of leading is simply deciding if you want to develop leaders who know how to follow…or leaders who don’t.
People will surprisingly tend to act the age you treat them…you’ll always baby babies!
God’s best,
Fred
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