Have you thought about the importance of Freedom lately?
Not freedom as Americans, but freedom from the pain and frustration most people continually face. In some ways, this is better called, “Peace.” I think about freedom a good bit, largely because it is a gift I didn’t realize I had until I was about 40…and…it’s a gift I want to make sure I give my children. In fact, I am deeply interested in my kids’ walking with the Lord and serving Him for the rest of their lives. But, really, I want them to follow Him because they “want to” and not because they “have to.” This turns out to be the same hope I have for myself as well!
Much of freedom is about wisdom. For example, if you live wisely you understand that living for the opinions of others is a foolish strategy. Indeed, part of “Hollywood’s problem” is that stars are stuck constantly concerned about (and aware of) the camera / public eye. There is no freedom there. Piling up debt on non-appreciating items is grossly unwise…and…totally destroys freedom as well. Let’s face it, without money choices are limited. Worse yet, with mounting debt, choices are gone.
Here’s the real focus of this letter: GOSSIP
Few things take away our freedom like gossip does…and there’s a way to cure it and its slanderous ways. Before sharing the cure, however, think about what gossip does to you. First, it takes your time away. Sitting (or standing) around and talking about the faults in other people, organizations, clubs, nations, etc., frankly takes a lot of time…including calling the next person and “passing on” (often as a prayer request) the next juicy “…guess what happened now!” How much of your life would you have back for freedom if gossip went away? Second, gossip invariably destroys someone…occasionally it’s the person you’re talking about, but normally it’s you. There is something poisonous about focusing on the negative and vile things we can imagine about others…and it eats away from the inside out. In the Bible, the book of Hebrews refers to this as a “root of bitterness that defiles many.” Third, gossip takes away freedom because it is RARELY about the truth…and John 8 is where Christ mentions that “if you know the truth the truth will set you free.”
Really, there is an answer: TRUTH
Curing gossip by teaching yourself not to talk usually doesn’t work because we are social beings. Replacing your goal in gossiping (to harm…to win…to protect…etc.) with the pursuit of TRUTH will save the day for you and your friends. The reason is pretty simple…the TRUTH isn’t usually that juicy; and if it is, there isn’t much more to it than the facts. For example, “I heard O.J. did it!” Now that was juicy, but once he was convicted in the civil case it’s a “so what?” Wouldn’t that be true about whatever you’ve been talking about lately? What if you really knew the facts? What if everyone knew the facts? Wouldn’t it be over?
Well, here’s the best truth for gossip: IGNORANCE
One of the important influences in my life is a man named Robert Fritz. Robert is fond of observing, “You know what you know, and you don’t know what you don’t know.” Imagine if you just started admitting what you really don’t know…wouldn’t that be freeing? Most of us think something is seriously wrong if we don’t know the answer to something…but the truth is that once you don’t “have to” know…all that’s left is to learn what’s true (if it’s possible).
So, here’s where freedom from gossip appears: admit what you don’t know
“I heard that Jane and John Doe are getting a divorce because Jane was working too late at the office.”
“Well, I heard that John was into online gambling and sold her diamond studs to keep his car from being repossessed.”
“Well, I heard…”
Eventually this stuff turns into the scene from Monty Python’s The Holy Grail with someone declaring, “She turned me into a newt!”
What’s the truth? We don’t know. We don’t know if it is Jane’s fault, John’s fault, both, neither, yours, mine, etc.
If you want freedom, why don’t you kill the gossip around you by seeking the truth? Start by admitting what you don’t know. If you really just “have to know” then go to the person or situation itself and find out the facts (years ago a lady demanded I sign a petition about Madalyn Murray O'Hair trying to get Christianity off the radio…in fact, this woman wasn’t going to leave my office until I signed it…I didn’t and found out, as I suspected, that it was bogus: http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/weekly/aa050599.htm ).
“Did you hear about…?” Now respond with how do you know? You can also ask, “So what?” or “Will this really matter next year?” The key is to realize that there are many sides to any story and the truth OFTEN isn’t the first thing you hear.
If you want freedom, avoid gossip by sorting out what you know from what you don’t know. You’ll be shocked at how refreshed your life can be.
God’s best,
Fred
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