The key phrase to consider here is “pushing your child.”
So now it get’s personal. I can’t tell you how obvious, tempting, and devastating it is for our children to be consumed with too much doing. The most striking aspect is sports. We are surely a nation obsessed. Every child needs to be on a team & every child needs to be a star. That said, remember the relentless travel on top of practice…and the parents are there for every event (if they’re decent and supportive). Of course, many of these kids play more than one sport. Now, multiply this by one, two, or three more children and you get the picture of a common stage in the American family.
Why?
Why is this level of activity accepted as the essence of good parenting? Upon reflection it seems we could invoke psycho-babble to explain it: parents are guilty, parents are living out their dreams through their kids, parents have given the leadership of the home to the children, etc. All of these could be true, but consider a more elegant possibility---we haven’t considered our real goal in parenting.
Isn’t the real goal in parenting to rear healthy adults? Why does sports and busyness contribute to that? At what point do you admit you are pushing your child? Don’t you find yourself wishing you could get of the “ride” and take a break on occasion? Some years ago in an all men’s small group discussion, the guys started sharing their high school sports war stories. The group included an electrician, a firefighter, a construction foreman, and a postal worker. Though all of these are noble positions…the group concluded that all they had from high school sports was injuries and an awareness that playing sports contributed nothing to their future employment. Basically, they all wish they had studied more.
The plain fact is that 99% of all who play sports NEVER make it to the pros, and only a few more make it to college. If you want to rear a healthy adult…create time in your family’s life to simply BE together. The skill of sitting around a table and relating to one another---without an agenda--- will serve them incredibly well in our isolating world. Providing the time to simply READ will do even more (if a child can read and comprehend well, college won’t be a problem). We tend to think the busyness gets them ready, but the down time is perhaps even more strategic. I know I can’t convince you…but I can encourage you to start re-thinking this for yourselves.
Now, what about PUSHING employees? Is there a difference? It is the same devastating effect. We tend to assume busyness equals productivity, but what is the truth? The truth is that worn out employees get sick, quit, cause moral problems, etc. Reasonable workloads understand business as a marathon rather than a sprint. Moreover, it is really hard for a decent supervisor to give more work to a busy person. The key has always been getting people to focus on the strategic things he does, rather than simply “staying busy to stay employed.” Personally, I think all of that turns around when we take Buckingham’s advice in his newest work, Go Put Your Strengths to Work. Just as in sports, so in life---you play when you contribute. And, of course, your contribution is always about what you do exceedingly well…never about being busy or about trying to improve your weaknesses.
The funny thing about all of this is that unless you make a decision about your own life, then what goes on with the kids or work will turn out to be pretty irrelevant. So you know where to start!
God’s best,
Fred
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